Ex-boarders who attended mixed or single sex boarding schools hold a myriad of different experiences. Some enhanced their social skills, academic abilities, sporting prowess and possibly found stability and safety away from family life. Others encountered bullying, abuse, academic pressure/high expectations of success or feelings of isolation/abandonment. Then there were also a large proportion who accepted their new school life, complied, developed a ’stiff upper lip’ and so stayed safe.
Different Experiences
Whatever the experience good, bad or indifferent, each of those children were undeniably no longer living at home where there were people who loved them or knew them well. They were separated from pets, familiar surroundings, personal belongings, privacy and a community of different ages and social/cultural backgrounds. Familiar attachments would have been broken while learning new institutional rules and how to live amongst many. Coping with this huge change without family support inevitably forces children to create defence mechanisms to cope with their new world. In adult life, the same mechanisms may create difficulties in intimate/family relationships, problems expressing emotions and an unhealthy attachment to work.
Dawn Grundy
Counsellor Dawn Grundy was boarding school-educated and has received extensive specialist training from Nick Duffell, a recognised expert on the boarding experience. Dawn works supportively with ex-boarders to build a compassionate self-understanding of childhood defences and behaviours, enabling her clients to make constructive adjustments in their adult lives.
She recently contributed a chapter to a book edited by Nick Duffell - The Un-Making of Them: Clinical Reflections on Boarding School Syndrome. This important work considers different aspects of ‘boarding school syndrome’ and how ex-boarders’ lives may be affected. It is due to be published in spring, 2025.
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